FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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