i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
