nut hugger
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
