I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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