What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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