I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
