a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
