I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
