Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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