Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
