R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize