When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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