Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
