First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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