I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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