Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
