Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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