Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
