Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
