I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
