just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
