If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
