I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She's the barista slut.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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