"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
