You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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