Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My breasts were aching with rage.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
