If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
