Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
