The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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