Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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