i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
