So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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