soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
