New low: just hacked my moms facebook
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize