so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize