i love accidental penises.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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