Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Vodka?
Forever.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
