Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
