I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
