i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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