Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
