My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I have post one night stand depression
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
