Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
