is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Of course I have a pirate flag
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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