Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
