I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
