Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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