So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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