i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
