i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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