I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
