I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
