my room smells like sperm. sweet.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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