The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
