I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
