i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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