I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
