North Korea, Best Korea!
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
