The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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