I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
