i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
