I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize