Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
