I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
