Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
