and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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