Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
